The Perfect Timing of Pink

I have so much that I want to say but can't find the words. The fact that I'm now single is still numbing and hasn't really set in yet.

Suffice it to say that I'm an absolute wreck, can barely focus and am far from making any sense of what's going through my head.

I heard a new single on the radio while driving to work today. It's called "So What" and is by Pink. She has always been one of my favorite artists and the timing of this release is perfect.

Everything in the song describes exactly how I feel, yet at the same time is completely opposite of what I'm thinking.

I'm in that stage where you absolutely hate but still truly care for your ex, don't believe anything they ever said yet know every word was true.

Two days ago I told my now ex I wanted to talk because we'd been having issues. It took us until last night to sit down together because we'd been so busy.

I thought about a lot of things in that time, including breaking up with him. But after really thinking about it, I decided to give us some more time and another chance.

If we both wanted to make it work we could. Unfortunately, over those two days, he had been thinking about what to say with the expectation that I wanted to talk so I could dump him.

He even told me at one point "I thought you were going to breakup with me." Not that it would make where I'm at now or where I have to go any easier, but I wish I had.

Instead of dumping him, as I thought about doing, I got the double smack to the face of putting myself out there hoping we were on the same page only to get to ultimate rejection.

He talked about how well we know each other and how he wants to stay friends. In fact, he said he could see me as one of his best friends. At this point though, for me, I just don't see how that's a possibility.

He went on to say that he hopes when our lives calm down we can be together because he cares so much for me, it's just that right now he's so busy he can't put the required time into our relationship which isn't fair to either of us.

I don't know where I'm at right now or where I'm going. I don't know how I'm going to get there or how long it will take.

He meant more to me than anyone I've ever dated. Unfortunately, this means I have a long and painful journey ahead of me. He has had several longterm relationships, so I highly doubt he will feel the same hurt, but I hope he does.

As horrible as that sounds, it would show me that he really did care for me and really did mean everything he said. I feel that this post is very incomplete, but that's fitting because that's also how I feel about this whole situation.

Ouch, my heart hurts. :(